some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She even gives head with a lisp.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
