Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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