He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
two words...techno handjob
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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