I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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