What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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