guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
