she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Come on in and take your pants off
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