I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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