DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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