is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
