I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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