I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
