If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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