I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
