My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
home. puking in laundry basket.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Even my vagina gasped.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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