i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
