it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
