Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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