I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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