remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
