Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
