So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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