Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
