dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
