I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
