Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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