im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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