Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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