Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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