So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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