I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
