I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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