wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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