Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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