how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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