Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
