Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
