I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
