either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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