I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
