sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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