i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize