the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
