And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
