I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
