Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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