so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
