Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
