i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
