I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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