tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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