We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
