thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
