listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize