i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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