it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
